


the place to lose your fears

by gaewaren (shadowhunterxhunter)



Category: Raven Cycle - Maggie Stiefvater
Genre: First Time, M/M, Miscommunication, Sex Talk, Smut, there's a blanket fort
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-30
Updated: 2016-01-31
Packaged: 2018-05-17 04:14:02
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,703
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5853760
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/shadowhunterxhunter/pseuds/gaewaren
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Gansey's voice was low and soothing. "Is he pressuring you?"</p><p>"Holy shit, Gansey." Ronan's face was in his hands and he was seconds away from punching the two-hundred dollar custom made coffee table.</p><p>"I'm being serious!"</p><p>"And I'm going to dropkick you!"</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> this could be very bad!! we'll never know. feedback is cool though. 
> 
> there will be a part 2! uploaded either tomorrow or the day after so stay tuned if you liked it so far. rating will be bumped up to explicit.
> 
> (title from pillow talk - zayn malik)

It started with condoms.

Technically, it started with Adam's school bag and Ronan's lack of impulse control. He was honestly just looking for Adam's laptop, a refurbished PC with little ambition and a few cracks in the screen. Adam had made the mistake of falling asleep without showering the night before and he had rushed to get ready for work while Ronan looked on and made coffee, very slowly. He'd finished in time to press a thermos full (no milk, two teaspoons of sugar) into Adam's hands and pull him into a brief kiss before pushing him out the door and flopping down face first onto the bed. He couldn't fall back asleep though, no matter how hard he tried, so there he was, rummaging through Adam's maroon ("Ronan, it's red") bag.

And there they were. An entire, unopened box of them. The box was yellow, or orange. It was yellow-orange and Ronan turned it around in his hands a few times, almost cradling them the same way he'd cradled Chainsaw's small, warm body that night in the church. Then he shoved them as quickly as he could into the bottom of the bag and zipped it shut and ran out the door with his keys.

 

Gansey's head was on Blue's lap while she played with his hair and Noah was sitting behind Blue while he played with hers. Ronan had never been more confused. "What the fuck is happening?"

Noah regarded Ronan briefly. "You look different." He turned his attention back to Blue's hair. "And it's a braid train."

Ronan pointed at Gansey until he looked up. "I did not sign up for this." He was fidgeting and obviously on edge and Gansey was at once concerned and on his feet.

Noah tapped Blue's cheek and nudged her up as best he could. She took one look at Ronan and Gansey's tense posture and tugged Noah along and out the door, "bye" echoing off the warehouse walls. Ronan waited until he could hear Blue's stomping footsteps on the bottom of the stairs before turning back to Gansey.

"Is something wrong?" Gansey's step closer forced Ronan to almost step back and Gansey looked like an injured puppy so he rolled his eyes and stayed put.

"No. Yes." More fidgeting.

"Do you... want to talk about it?" He sounded hopeful. And wary. The last time Ronan had come to Gansey for advice it was actually just an elaborate plan to rick roll him with a seemingly magical and mysterious dream box. Gansey had eaten all of Ronan's Lucky Charms in retaliation and they'd been on slightly shaky ground ever since.

Ronan inhaled sharply. Fuck it. "Parrish has condoms."

Gansey's eyes widened and he looked anywhere but at Ronan. "Um. Congratulations?"

"No, Gansey."

"Oh. Are you guys not, um." Gansey placed his hands on his hips and then shook his head like he knew he'd made a mistake. He scratched the back of his head and forced himself to look Ronan in the eye. He immediately regretted it. Ronan was glaring intensely and making direct eye contact and something about the weight of his gaze bothered Gansey in a way he didn't totally understand, until he did. " _Oh_." Gansey's voice was low and soothing. "Is he pressuring you?"

"Holy shit, Gansey." Ronan's face was in his hands and he was seconds away from punching the two-hundred dollar custom made coffee table.

"I'm being serious!"

"And I'm going to dropkick you!" Ronan sighed and took his face out of his hands. "No, of course he's not. Why would you even think that?"

"It seemed like that was what you were implying. I'm sorry for slandering Adam's character." He winced. "Don't tell him."

Ronan waved him off. "Fine, calm down. So, back to my _real_ problem."

"Which is?" Gansey rubbed his thumb over his bottom lip and a rush of fondness flooded Ronan's system.

"We haven't talked about it." Ronan gingerly sat himself down next to the living room Henrietta model and hugged his legs to his chest, elbows resting on his knees. "I didn't realize he was assuming."

"You don't have to if you're not ready."

Ronan's face burned. "Yes, Gansey, I know." Gansey moved to sit next to him and mimicked his pose.

"I will fight him for your honor if you need me to." Ronan was standing before the sentence was finished. "I will, just say the word."

"Later." He paused at the door, threw a "thank you" over his shoulder, and shut the door as politely as he was capable of.

 

Two hours later Ronan woke to his phone buzzing. He grabbed it and considered throwing it out the window before he saw who was texting him.

_**Blue** : i will talk to adam if you want me to _

Gansey was going to get chocolate syrup poured on him in his sleep.

_**Ronan** : dont do that. tell gansey he's in for a world of pain™_

Vaguely satisfied, Ronan neatly threw his phone out the window.

 

Adam came home to Ronan making ramen noodles in the kitchenette and muttering to himself. "Burned my hand," he said to Adam's questioning and amused face.

"Ah." Adam headed to the coffeepot. Ronan winced. "Pour some cold water over it."

"I know how to treat a burn, Parrish." Adam answered with a withering look.

"Coffee at eight? Is there a secret homework assignment I don't know about?" He filled the pot with water for Adam and pulled him to his chest, resting his head against Adam's.

Adam hummed contentedly. "None of our homework is a secret, Ronan."

"Lies. There's an Aglionby conspiracy. I can prove it." He could mention it. Ronan could mention the condoms, fling it out there and force Adam to talk about it. He didn't want to force Adam to do anything but Ronan didn't know how long Adam had them. Could have been weeks. How was he supposed to know Adam would mention it anytime soon?  

Fuck it. "I, uh. I found something."

Adam was fidgeting with coffee maker again. Absentmindedly, and a few seconds late, he answered "What?"

"In your bag."

Adam didn't get it and then he did. "Why were you in my bag?" His face was flushed and Ronan couldn't tell if it was anger or embarrassment. Probably both.

"I was looking for your computer! There's nothing to do in this place, I was gonna watch some netflix or something." He took the ramen off the stove and wouldn't meet Adam's eyes. "It's not important, forget it."

"It _is_ important." He took a sip of the coffee. "They're new. Obviously," he added with a scoff. "I was going to say something."

"It's fine."

"I didn't know when the right time was. I didn't want you to feel... pressured. Or whatever.

"It's fine, Adam." The space was quiet after that, until Ronan couldn't bear it anymore. "Really. It's fine," he said, softly. He took Adam's mug and sipped at the bitter drink. "I was just surprised."

Adam smiled and took his mug back. "Can I have some of those?" He asked, gesturing at the abandoned noodles on the counter.

Ronan sighed, bumped Adam's hip with his own. "Sure."

 


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> earns explicit rating here

It wasn't like they hadn't gotten close. 

The third time that Ronan had spent the night after the first time they'd kissed, they'd gotten each other off, hands wrapped around each other in a haze of arousal and urgency, not even completely out of their pants. The fourth time that Ronan had spent the night after that, Adam took Ronan into his mouth for the first time and Ronan was too blissed out to reciprocate so Adam laid hand on himself while Ronan kissed him languidly through it. The night of the condom incident was two weeks after that.

Ronan wasn't sure how all or even any of this was supposed to go. He had zero experience outside of what he and Adam had done and Adam had confessed that before Ronan, he hadn't done anything more than kiss a middle school girlfriend of approximately two weeks. He was pretty sure most couples in high school didn't have sex within a month of getting together, but then again, he didn't think he and Adam were most couples.

Adam agreed.

"I'm half dream and you're like... three-fifths forest," Ronan had said the night of the condom incident while eating their shared ramen noodles. 

Adam made a face. "I'm bigender not... pentagender?" Ronan nodded. They finished dinner and Adam drank too much coffee and worked on his final assignment for calculus while Ronan grumbled and wrapped himself intricately around Adam's waist. He thought he could probably fall asleep like this if it didn't mean Adam would have to either move him in his sleep, a near impossible task, or sleep in a terribly uncomfortable position. 

"You know, you ingest far too much caffeine to be considered safe, but at least you're not like Gansey- he only drinks it for the aesthetic."

Adam snorted loudly. "That can't be true."

"Have you ever actually met Gansey? I can't believe you don't believe me." Adam chuckled, closed his laptop and slid down the bed to lay next to Ronan.

"Hi."

"Hi." Adam nudged Ronan's nose with his own and pressed his mouth to Ronan's. He opened his mouth to deepen the kiss, but only for a moment. Then he was pulling away and Ronan was half-heartedly groaning in annoyance. "We should talk about it," Adam said, sitting up.

Now Ronan was groaning whole-heartedly in annoyance. "We did talk about it."

"No, not the condoms, the... _it_."

Adam silently counted to ten while Ronan tried to suffocate himself with the pillow. "The ' _it_ '?!" He exclaimed when he came up for air again. "God, you're worse than Gansey."

Adam eyes narrowed. "Take it back." Ronan hit him with the pillow. "Ronan, take it _back_." Ronan did not take it back, and instead grabbed Adam's arm and pulled him down and fit their mouths together again. Adam lost himself in it, one of Ronan's hands on the back of his neck and the other on his waist. Ronan shoved one of his legs between Adam's and he moved against it until Ronan flipped them both onto their sides and slid his hands under Adam's shirt, pulling it off and throwing it somewhere behind him. Ronan's shirt was gone a moment later and Adam breathed out a sigh that sounded close to relieved as he placed open mouth kisses on Ronan's shoulder, tongue lapping at the edges of the tattoo peeking up from his back. Everything was moving quickly and smoothly until Adam reached too far with his mouth over Ronan's shoulder and his neck twisted uncomfortably.

"Ow, fuck, fuck." 

"What, what's wrong?" Adam slid off of Ronan, rubbing his neck and swatted Ronan's arm away.

Suddenly Adam was laughing. "I pulled something in my neck. Ow, jesus."

"Language." Ronan's hand was still on Adam's thigh, rubbing circles into the skin through his sweatpants. "Do you want me to massage it?" Adam couldn't tell if he was being serious or not. 

"Not my neck," he muttered, mostly to himself. Ronan heard it and laughed. Then he was quiet while Adam did his best to stretch out his neck. "I want to, you know," Ronan half whispered a minute later.

Adam winced as he laid back down beside Ronan. "Want to what?"

Ronan smirked and leaned up to bury his face into Adam's neck, breath tickling as he whispered "Want you to fuck me." Adam was still and Ronan pulled back. "I mean, if you do, I don't know, I figured because you bought condoms that you wanted to." 

Adam placed his hand on Ronan's bare chest. "I got them just in case but yeah, I want to." He kissed his way up Ronan's neck and when he found his lips, Ronan's hand on Adam's thigh found his crotch and Adam pulled back in surprise. "Not tonight, my neck hurts!"

"Oh my god, fine! I don't even want to touch you. You're gross," he murmured, kissing Adam's cheek, and his nose, and his forehead.

 

Monmouth was a mess when Adam walked in, the most concerning mess being the gigantic mess of blankets and sheets stretched over chairs and the expensive coffee table. 

"What is this?" He asked the mess. 

Blue's head poked out from under the blankets and then retreated immediately. He heard her say "He's here!" and then Gansey, Noah, and Ronan's heads poked out. 

"Get in," Noah said simply, lifting the blankets and motioning to the space beside him. 

"I have work." Four groans of disappointment followed and Adam rolled his eyes. "Ronan, I need to talk to you." Blue and Noah _ooooh'_ ed and Gansey shushed them. Ronan followed Adam towards the kitchen.

"What's up?" He reached his hands out to play with the strings of Adam's green hoodie. Adam wanted to hold those hands. So he did.

"I wanted to see if you could come over tonight after I'm done with work."

"Yeah, sure. Should I bring my laptop?" Ronan's was faster and better for streaming movies.

"No, just... just yourself." Adam winced and Ronan's brows furrowed.

"Okay, weirdo." He drew him in for a kiss but Adam pulled away after a second.

"Wait, no, that's not all. I, uh- I want to do it. Tonight. If you do, that is." 

Ronan smiled and pulled him in for a kiss and this time Adam let him. "Yeah, of course I do," he spoke softly against his lips. "So, just bring my sexy self?"

"I'm leaving." Adam pulled Ronan closer.

"Good riddance."

 

Adam had to be trying to kill him.

After five chaotic minutes of Adam struggling to remember where he had stashed the lube, Ronan shoved his boxers down and off and spread his legs so Adam could lay between them. Adam kissed his way down Ronan's stomach and mouthed at his hipbones while Ronan whined above him, slinging a leg over his shoulders. Adam's mouth moved farther down and he licked up Ronan's dick and pumped him a few times before getting his lips around the tip.

"Ah, stop," Ronan whined. Adam pulled off.

"Why, what's wrong?"

Ronan groaned. "Nothing, but I want you to fuck me. Like, now."

Adam reached for the lube again, slicked a finger and gently prodded until Ronan nodded, _yes_. He pushed in passed the knuckle and Ronan's breath hitched, his dick twitching away from his stomach. 

"Is it good?"

"Yeah," Ronan murmured. "More."

Two fingers later and Ronan was groaning in earnest now, precome smeared across his stomach and Adam didn't know for sure but he figured he should probably grab a condom. He pulled his fingers out and Ronan whined until he saw what Adam was doing and he leaned up to press sloppy kisses against his neck and jaw.

Adam giggled- he was ticklish. "Stop distracting me." He managed to tear the wrapper and put the condom on before Ronan pulled him into a real kiss, breath hot and panting. He reached down and pumped Adam's dick a few times before laying back on the bed. Adam finished with the lube and crawled up Ronan's body, kissing him again but slower this time. "If you wanna stop at any point-"

"I know."

Adam pushed in and it was- a lot. They had to stop a few times to fix the angle and Adam couldn't stop giggling when Ronan ran his fingers up his too-sensitive sides.

"Stop laughing, your dick is literally inside of me. If you won't take this seriously, I'll find someone else who will." But he was laughing too, despite himself and he kept his hands to himself until Adam sobered up. 

"Hi," Adam whispered.

"Hi. Move."

 

They faced each other, laying on the bed, and Adam ran his fingers through the soft, short curls that Ronan had recently starting growing out. Their legs were tangled together and Ronan wouldn't stop touching Adam's face.

"Hey." Adam poked Ronan's nose and Ronan grabbed his finger and bit it. "Was the blanket fort fun?"

Ronan pulled Adam's finger out of his mouth and kissed his palm. "Yeah.  Join us sometime."

"I will."

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> about the bigender comment: adam is bigender and i dont have time for the naysayers. that is all (follow me on twitter @graewaren for more discussion about that)
> 
> thank you for reading!!

**Author's Note:**

> comments are always appreciated!
> 
> Edit: i realize that streaming movies on netflix in adam's apartment is probably not possible considering he doesn't have internet access, so let's just pretend that ronan bribed the nuns of st. agnes to set up a free church wifi network. it could happen.


End file.
